Heart of Dogness

JoJo's cold-weather paradox

JoJo, a product of Texarkana, is not designed for cold weather. Small, short-coated and slightly built, she starts to shiver if the temperature goes below 30, which it does on Cape Cod for a good part of the Winter. This Winter, like last, has been unusually cold, so taking JoJo outside is a matter of seconds. Drag her out, she looks around, says to herself, "Yup. Still cold," and bolts back indoors.

Paradoxically, JoJo loves snow. Right after a snowfall (never during: too much like precipitation) she goes totally gaga, running, stopping, shoving her face into the snow, leaping out of it, running, stopping, running — taking twenty laps of the yard in four seconds in a process known to my family as Doggie Psychosis. When finally lured back inside, she clambers back up to her hidey-hole at the top of the stairs where she can make certain nobody sneaks up behind her.

 

This Just In: Dog learns 1,022 proper nouns

This story from the New York Times tells the tale of Chaser, a Border Collie from Spartanburg, SC, with a vocabulary of 1,022 proper nouns. This tops the old record of over 200, held by Rico, another Border Collie in Germany.

It's worth noting that all dogs aren't this smart. JoJo, for example, needs to be re-taught "sit" almost daily. And some of the remarks about horses are tendentious; I studied mathematics with Dr. Cleverhans and found him to be a very astute teacher.

The Weather Finally Changes

After a solid week of rain, it finally cleared up this weekend. We can stop harvesting mushrooms off the windowsills. Left the mutts a bit confused, though:

 

The Weather

It's been raining for most of the past week, and it's supposed to keep raining for at least a couple more days. It's been so soggy the raindrops are starting to mildew. Interesting wildlife phenomena result:

 

Interesting meteorological phenomena, as well:

 
The mutts are not taking it well:

 

Single-Malt Scotch Terriers: Campbeltown

Campbeltown, once known as "Scottyopolis" for its large number of breeders, now has only one, Springbank, which does, however, produce three distinct scotties: Springbank, Hazelburn, and Longrow.

The Springbank Scotch Terrier is distilled two and a half times, and is not chill-filtered, nor does it have colour added. This means that some parts of the dog have been through distillation twice and some parts three times. This results in a smooth-drinking but understandably nervous dog that should be allowed to sleep in ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks for as long as it likes.

The Longrow Single Malt is a highly peaty dog that will track in all kinds of swamp stuff if not closely monitored. The standard Longrow also sleeps in ex-bourbon casks, while a Sherrywood variety can also be found. There is also an experimental Tokaji-cask edition available, which barks in Hungarian.

Hazelburn Single Malt, the newest variety, was first bred in 1997. Hazelburn is a triple distilled, non-peated dog, named for another now-defunct Campbeltown breeder.

Single-Malt Scotch Terriers: Islay

Islay Scotties are bred by, and occasionally in, the sea, and warmed by peat fires during the long, dreary nights of winter Islay (pronounced Eye-la by those who want to pronounce it, and IZ-lay by those who don't). This gives these dogs their characteristic smoke-and-old-fish aroma, which gives rise to their popularity as outdoor watchdogs.

Like all Scotties, the Islay is inclined to be stubborn, and needs firm but gentle handling from an early age or it will dominate the household. If properly trained, though, it will instead dominate the neighborhood and bring you an endless stream of purloined or coerced valuables you can pawn to pay for its upkeep. Advanced training might include: don't bite the Constable when he comes for his payoff; don't bite the Judge ever; do bite the pawnbroker from whom you reacquisitioned the watch.

Popular names for the Scotties of southeastern Isla include Laphroaig, Lagavulin, and Ardbeg. Caol Ila is a frequent name for dogs in the north of the island, where dogs are similarly treated. In the middle of the place, Scotties are often named Bowmore, although there is disagreement as to whether the first or second syllable is stressed; the dogs, however, are uniformly stressed.

Elsewhere on Islay, dogs may be called Bunnahabhain and Bruichladdich, but since no one can actually pronounce these names, the dogs seldom come when called.

Single-Malt Scotch Terriers: Speyside

 Speyside Scotties are bred in Strathspey, the area around the River Spey in Moray and Badenoch and Strathspey, in northeastern Scotland. There are so many breeders that there are few similarities across the region, though some of the most refined and elegant Scotties are from Speyside, and won't hesitate to let you know it. Although Speyside Scotties are often described in such grocery-inspired terms as fruity, floral, nutty, spicy, buttery and biscuity, most need no refrigeration and few thrive in cupboards.

The Speyside Scottie, like all Scotties, is charming and full of character, and knows a variety of card tricks. It is loyal and will protect your home and family from intruders, whether unwanted or greatly desired. If you have a Scottie from Speyside, you won't need any other friends, which is just as well, since you won't have any. You will, however, make the acquaintance of any number of lawyers.

Popular Speyside Dog Names:
Aberlour, Aultmore, Balmenach, Balvenie, Benriach, Benromach, Cardhu, Cragganmore, Dailuaine, Dufftown, Glendronach, Glendullan, Glenfarclas, Glenfiddich, Glen Grant, Glen Keith, Glentauchers, Glen Elgin, Glen Moray, Imperial, Inchgower, Knockando, Linkwood, Lismore, Longmorn, McClelland, Miltonduff, Mortlach, Speyburn, Strathisla, Tamnavulin Glenlivet, Tamdhu, Tomintoul, Tormore.

The following will only answer if you preface their names with "The":
The Glenlivet, The Glenrothes, The Macallan, The Speyside

Single-Malt Scotch Terriers: Lowland

Lowland Scotties are bred in the lowlands of Scotland. There are only three breeders now in the region: Glenkinchie, near Edinburgh; Auchentoshan, near Clydebank; and Bladnoch in Galloway. At least six other lowland Scotties are still available, but are no longer bred: Rosebank, Kinclaith, St. Magdalene, Ladyburn, Inverleven and Littlemill.

The typical Lowland Scotch Terrier is fresh and light in character, with notes of lemon and cut grass. A sweet nose and a hint of peat make this a good introduction to the breed, but that lightness requires that you keep a close watch on the dog in a stiff breeze and you must remember not to squeeze the dog over your fish. The Lowland Scottie's scrappy attitude makes him a challenge to train. The new Scottie owner should immediately find an obedience school at which to abandon the pup. That failing, equip yourself with a steely resolve and a small firearm with which to assert dominance.

Single-Malt Scotch Terriers: Highland

The Highland Scottie is thought to be the original of the breed, and shows it by barking in an incomprehensible brogue and wheezing like a bagpipe while asleep. There are far too many varieties to ascribe a specific set of characteristics to all, but it would be rash to say they have no character (see end of next paragraph). Use words like "heather" and "honey" in the description, and you ought to be safe.

Playful, lovable and loyal, the Highland Scottie can be a great family pet and watch dog, who will eagerly alert his owners to the presence of intruders or approaching spacecraft. A well-trained Scottie can learn to give a special bark when a process-server, bill-collector, or particularly unwelcome in-law is coming up the walk. Great care should be exercised when introducing Highland Scotties to other dogs, as they can be aggressive, argumentative and frequently have excellent attorneys on retainer.

Popular names for Highland Scotch Terriers:
Aberfeldy, Allt-a-Bhainne, An Cnoc, Ardmore, Balbair, Ben Nevis, Benrinnes, Clynelish, Dallas Dhu, Dalmore, Dalwhinnie, Deanston, Drumguish, Glen Albyn, Glencadam, Glen Deveron, Glen Eden, Glen Garioch, Glengoyne, Glenmorangie, Glen Ord, Glenturret, Imperial, Inchgower, Inverarity, Loch Dhu, Loch Lomond, Loch Morar, Macphail, Mannochmore, McClelland, Millburn, Oban, Old Pulteney, Royal Brackla, Royal Lochnagar, Teaninich, Tomatin, Tullibardine.

The following will only answer if you preface their names with "The":
The Edradour, The Singleton

Single-Malt Scotch Terriers: Introduction

The Scotch Terrier was developed in Scotland and called the Aberdeen Terrier, after the Scottish town of the same name. This was meant to hide the breed's true origins in Dumfries, at more or less the other end of the country. The Scottie was used to hunt den animals like otter, fox, badger, rabbit and couch potato, and to annoy tourists from England.

Scotties love the great outdoors, and should be given at least one brisk walk each day. A Scottie with a dominant personality (that is, one that's breathing) will insist on carrying a blackthorn walking stick, and occasionally whacking you in the shin with it.

The Scotch Terrier's outer coat is hard and wiry with a dense, softer undercoat. Frequent brushing with a wire brush or jackhammer is recommended. The coat may be black, gray, wheaten (yellowy-white), or brindle (almost any color, but looks like it's been rolling in coal dust). The breed sheds little, preferring to retain its hair until a suitable buyer can be found. Scotties are comfortable in rural, suburban, or urban environments, but in an apartment setting, the dog will always want to be the Superintendent. It's best to accede to this demand.

Most Scotch Terriers are blended, and have characteristics of many varieties. Over the next five days, we hope to introduce you to the many Single-Malt Scotch Terriers, and so deepen and broaden your appreciation of this remarkable breed.

Incidentally, I KNOW this is the same picture I used in my last post. Bear with me, OK?

The New Yorker reads Heart of Dogness

At least if this week's cover is any indication. (Used without permission. May Barry Blitt and David Remnick have mercy on my soul)

Back in the saddle, I hope

Again I find myself apologizing for not posting lately. Lots of thing have been happening: I got a job. This has seriously limited the time available for blogging. I could probably write stuff, but it just don't sing without the pictures. Don't want to cheat the audience, however tiny. Family stuff. No matter how deep in the dungeon I stuff 'em, the wife and kiddies insist on having attention paid. Like I owed them or something. Dadgum election. I've been getting home and plunking myself in front of the computer every dang night, trying to read the tea leaves and comment on a zillion other blogs, like as if that's going to affect the outcome. Outcome fine, but no help from me. The dogs, meanwhile, not only haven't been drawn, they haven't been walked. Amazing how many weeks a dog can just hold it.

Martina's True Dog Story 1: Georgie

I had a very elderly, incontinent, deaf and nearly blind wire fox terrier. I knew she would have to cross the Rainbow Bridge soon. Did lots of internet research and decided that a female black standard poodle would be a great next dog.

Told a coworker who had five kids to keep her eyes peeled for a black female standard poodle pup. If one of her kids located the puppy, the dog would have that child's name as her middle name. Then thought nothing more about it.

Three weeks later...boss calls me to office. Uh-oh! What did I do? Coworker -- who had had the day off -- was in the office with her youngest child and a black blob. Boss had a very big smile on her face. Coworker had taken up a collection from my bosses and paid for the dog that way. Georgie Tara was the only female left in her litter. There was a card signed by the four doctors who had contributed to Georgie's adoption.

I called the vets. They said come in right now! They were very happy. Called my mother. She cried and said she HAD to see the pup that night.

Georgie will be 11 years old in October. She is very healthy (Addison's disease under good control) and is the friendliest, happiest dog you've ever seen! She enjoys playing with Gordy, greeting visitors and just being herself. Oh, and she is ever so slightly spoiled...

Doggie Kisses

 
Lots of Great Stuff coming, folks!

Thursday and Friday: two great stories from Martima

Monday, Wednesday and Friday, next week: three great stories from Jumper

The following week: Reviews, at last, of books and products. I've been promising these to the authors and manufaturers forever.

Gus and JoJo get a bath

So, anyway, Gus was beginning to stink, and had his usual summer excess of hair; and JoJo still had the road dirt on her from when we picked her up. We bundled them into the car and hauled them down to The Grateful Dog in Hyannis.

This is a high-class wash-your-own-dog facility with several raised dogwash tubs (saves the back, and there are ramps for the dogs to walk up; not that either Gus or JoJo would walk up; still, it's the IDEA) and a wide selection of shampoos. Other amenities include plenty of towels, a restraint thingy to keep the dog from jumping out, and a blow-dryer that no longer terrifies Gus, although I'd hesitate to say he enjoys it. Scared the bejeezus out of JoJo.

First, we settled Gus (settled is a highly relative term) onto the de-shedding table for a quick brushout that lasted half an hour. We'll be knitting a village out of the results. Then my Lovely and Charming Wife and I each hosed off a dog, and we chatted with the owner, Kristen Ellis. She's delightful, sweet and knows her stuff, and also runs a pet-sitting and dog-walking business.

The resident pooch, a handsome rottweiler-and-who-knows mix named Cowboy, evidently had a political disagreement with Gus, but the two exchanged their views over the counter and no fisticuffs ensued.

If your dog needs a bath when you're around Hyannis, this is the place. Highly recommended.

"Pill-Popping Pets" in today's New York Times

Prozac for Fido? Eli Lilly's Reconcile is essentially beef-flavored chewable Prozac. Novartis's Clomicalm for dogs is chemically identical to its Anafranil for humans. This story in today's New York Times Magazine details how Americans are spending millions of dollars on psychiatric pharamceuticals for their pets, and how the major drug companies are salivating at the prospect of all those new patients.

"Surveys by the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association found that 77 percent of dog owners and 52 percent of cat owners gave their animals some sort of medication in 2006, both up at least 25 percentage points from 2004."

I'm a little ambivalent about this. In the abstract, it feels like we're projecting human problems and human solutions onto non-human subjects who can't tell us to buzz off. But before I climb onto that high horse, I'm reminded that we've given Gus alprazolam, which is the generic of Xanax, as part of our ongoing effort to get him to stop chewing his tail, his leg, and whatever other body part he may target for assassination. I'm also reminded of the National Geographic story "Animal Minds", in which researchers say that human intelligence appears to have evolved from animal intelligence.

I'm going to try to keep an open mind on this.

A Salute to American Dogs

The breeds listed below are North American in origin (some are Canadian; close enough). as far as I can tell, these are actual breeds, not Designer Mutts or breed wannabes. If you have any additions or corrections, please let me know.

Alaskan Husky
Alaskan Klee Kai
Alaskan Malamute
American Blue Gascon Hound
American Bulldog
American Cocker Spaniel
American Eskimo Dog (now considered a separate breed from the German Spitz)
American Foxhound
American Indian Dog
American Pit Bull Terrier
American Staffordshire Terrier
American Staghound
American Toy Terrier
American Tundra Shepherd Dog
American Water Spaniel
American White Shepherd (I'm a little uncertain this belongs here)
Australian Shepherd (Yup. Originated in the American West)
Black and Tan Coonhound
Bluetick Coonhound
Boston Terrier
Carolina Dog
Chesapeake Bay Retriever
King Shepherd (not sure about this one, either)
Louisiana Catahoula Leopard Dog
Mountain Cur
Mountain Feist
Native American Indian Dog
Newfoundland
Northern Inuit Dog
Nova Scotia Duck-Tolling Retriever
Redbone Coonhound
Treeing Tennessee Brindle
Treeing Walker Coonhound

Billy's Victory, um, Lap

Last week at the Licensing Expo, I was pleased to meet Jim Benton, creator of It's Happy Bunny and other fun stuff too numerous to recount here. When I gave him my card, he gave me a True Dog Story.

A friend of Jim's owned Billy, a Bulldog. I don't know if this was a French Bulldog or an English Bulldog, but the English Bulldog is what I think of when I think Bulldog, so that's what you get in the picture.

Anyway, Billy was a Show Dog who loved the Show Life. Lived for the spotlight. Drank Champagne and ate up applause. He'd won every show Detroit had to offer, year after year, until he came to believe he was invincible.

Until the day The Other Bulldog showed up. The Other Bulldog, nameless because I don't know his name, was sleek. He was beautiful. He had that sinister edge that said, "You lose, pal." He was, in short, everything Billy was. And more?

Billy paced the green room, attended by attendants and fanned by fans, while the judges judged in a secluded cell (you sick of this yet?). Finally, a verdict, and vindication. Billy's owner said simply, "Billy, you won."

Billy fainted.

Watch Billy faint again. Hit F5 to watch it again.

Border Collie

The Border Collie is not, as some have suggested, a collie with a Borderline Personality Disorder, nor is it some Collie wannabe, like a schnauzer with a Lassie fixation.

A Border Collie is a real collie that originated along the border between England and Scotland, an area rife with sheep and smuggling. The Border Collie was bred to herd sheep, which it does by staring them down, then escalating through a series of maneuvers ranging from barking through gripping (biting) and small arms fire with rubber bullets. In extreme circumstances, a Border Collie will resort to reading the collected speeches of long-ago Prime Minister Herbert Henry Asquith. No sheep can withstand this impenetrable verbiage for long, and soon the whole flock will hightail it for anywhere the words aren't.

Less known is the Border Collie's role in smuggling. The dogs were enlisted to herd tax collectors, border police and other such vermin away from drop points where Angus might casually transfer a jar of whisky to Nigel for some trifling consideration. The authorities then recruited dogs of their own to herd Angus and Nigel into the Paddy Wagon, but the evidence invariably dried up before trial.

Border Collies are among the most intelligent of dogs, and although a dog may still herd sheep for exercise, the majority of Border Collies are now major players in the Financial Services industry.

Sources: Wikipedia, Border Collie Rescue

Portuguese Water Dog

Warning: Way too many links; most unnecessary.

The Portuguese Water Dog was originally developed in Portugal to herd fish into nets, deliver messages from boat to boat, to retrieve lost tackle and broken nets, and to bring beer from shore to the thirsty fishermen. Although loyal, fearless, and hard-working, the dog's proclivity for chasing catfish can make it a challenge to train.

The Portuguese Water Dog's coat is either curly or wavy [insert cheesy pun about waves here] and may be black, black and white, silver-tipped, brown or some combination of these in an attractive tattersall plaid.

The dog's closest relative appears to be the more upmarket Standard Poodle, which also has a curly coat and doesn't shed much, although the poodle won't herd fish and gets seasick on boats. Like the poodle, the Portuguese Water Dog often sports a distinctive haircut, called a "lion cut". The back half of the dog is sheared, leaving only a tuft, or "flag" of hair at the end of the dog's tail. The front half of the dog remains fully furred, so it looks kind of like a lion if the dog has brought you enough beer from shore.

The following link is actually worth clicking on:

Senator Kennedy's dog's, Sunny and Splash, are Portuguese Water Dogs.

Sources: Wikipedia, Portuguese Water Dog Club of America