Heart of Dogness

Martina's True Dog Story 3: Duchess

My mother has always been a "dog person". She trained her childhood dog (a border collie mix aka Duchess the First), to eat off a plate on the picnic table and do many tricks. When she married her parents would not let her take Duchess to her new home.

Dad brought home a wolf hybrid (shepherd/wolf mix) for Mom when she was pregnant with me. This dog, Duchess II was "Martina's dog" and very protective of the family. One time she saw toddler me crawling towards the street in our suburb, and dragged me home by the collar.  Mom was watched the whole thing from the kitchen window.

After both Duchesses passed we had a series of family dogs. Mom had a Doberman for a while and her name was Duchess III.

When I got Georgie, Mom wept. She'd always wanted a standard poodle, a black standard poodle. So, for Mom's birthday I arranged with Georgie's breeder to purchase a female Standard Poodle from the next litter from Georgie's mom, which was expected in June.

Mom counted the days. We waited and waited for the puppies. The breeder called and the pups were born the evening before my birthday. Mom and I drove quite a distance to the breeder's one week after the pups' birth. Georgie was in the car and stayed there while we met the dam and pups.

Georgie's mama looked exhausted and had 8-9 pups begging for her attention. Mom clutched one to her chest immediately and said "This is Duchess, I love the Marcel on her forehead"

She brought Duchess home from the breeder's after the pups had been weaned about seven weeks later. Mom came by my work on her way home from the breeder's with Duchess and we had a tailgate party at Burger King (know puppies really like French fries).  Mom (she really doesn't cry often!) cried, hugged me really really tight and said thank you many times.

Duchess is now 10 years old, full of energy and happy and adores Mom. She comes over for "sleepovers" once in a while which Georgie, Gordy and I love. Mom says it gets lonely with just one poodle in the house when Duchess is here.  )Hank is the other standard poodle at Mom's: she adopted him about four years ago. We call him Hank the Horse because he is a very large dog.)

Well, since then Duchess has provided constant entertainment and love to everyone in the family. I told Mom that when Duchess goes it will be harder for me than when Georgie and Gordy go. Duchess just has grabbed all of our hearts. The only times she doesn't grin is when she is asleep. The first two years of Duchess were tough for Mom -- puppies take a long time to calm down and learn, but they both pulled through.

The only thing Mom fusses about with Duchess is the topknot. Duchess may have had a "marcel" as a pup but her topknot has always naturally parted in the middle despite any attempts to have it be one poof.  So if you see a pretty grinning and prancing black female Standard Poodle with her topknot in two sections, that is Duchess!

A poodle for Obama

In a down-to-the-wire, heart-stopping photo finish, the American Kennel Club announced last week that the Poodle had eked out a narrow victory over the Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier in its evidently-unnamed poll of American voters. Here's video of the press conference.

Update: See what Misty the Alpha Poodle has to say about this.

The Obamas are currently dogless, but Barack has promised Malia and Sasha that after the campaign he'll get a dog. So AKC asked America to vote on which of five hypoallergenic breeds (the kids have allergies) the family should get: Poodle, Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier, Bichon Frise, Miniature Schnauzer, or the Don-King-lookalike Chinese Crested. Forty-two thousand voted, and they picked the poodle.

Herewith, a guide to poodles:

Standard Poodle	This is the original, developed in Germany to retrieve waterfowl and poorly hit golf balls. The funny-looking haircuts often inflicted on Poodles are said to be derived from a functional clip that was intended to leave insulating hair over the joints while the rest of the coat was shorn to reduce drag. This story fails, however, to account for either ribbons or rhinestone collars. Poodles are available in many colors, including black, blue, white, cream, red, apricot, silver and brown, and can be special-ordered in snazzy combinations of these colors. The deep candy-flake finishes popular in the 1960s are now considered a fault and will result in disqualification in the show ring. John Steinbeck wrote his wonderful Travels With Charley about a cross-country trip he took with a Standard Poodle whose name escapes me. Shockingly, the book appears to be out of print except in this Library of America collection.
Substandard Poodle	Sadly, there are poodles that just don't make the grade. You know the type: raggedy, shiftless shirkers out for a quick buck and lookin' for the next thing smokin'. They'll chase any tail, even their own. They'll hang back under the awning while the decent, hardworking types who came to this country looking for a better life are on the corner chivvying the straw bosses for a day's work. If you tell one of these dogs Jesus saves, he'll hit Him up for a loan. If I had a poodle, this would probably be it.
French Poodle	France also claims to be the place of origin for the poodle, which some may think is like claiming to be where herpes began. This poodle thinks it's both logical and romantic, blithely ignoring two basic principles: You can't be both; and if you think you're either, you're not. Sits in sidewalk cafes drinking charred coffee by day and wine by night, pretending to read incomprehensible philosophers while scoping for impressionable American dogs to hit on. Smokes French cigarettes made of used tires and occasionally sips noxious disinfectants like cassis and Campari.
Miniature Poodle	Just like a Standard Poodle, but smaller, flightier, and much more likely to faint. Not available with opera windows or whitewall tires. The Mini-Poo once set the standard for small, pointless dogs, but it has since been far surpassed. See below.
Toy Poodle	Developed for those intimidated by the gravitas of the Miniature Poodle, the Toy Poodle features a bark like Satan's dentist's drill and pointy little teeth that can find your ankle no matter how thickly and expensively shod. The barking of this dog has been known to set up a harmonic vibration that can shatter windows, masonry structures, and in at least one documented case, an entire planet.
Teacup Poodle	The Teacup Poodle is a further tinyfication of the Toy Poodle, intended for use by adults as a napkin or moist towelette, or by children as a handy way to dispose of unwanted vegetables. Also favored by those who, for whatever reason, feel a need to keep a dog secreted about their persons at all times. The Teacup Poodle is frequently accessorized with sweet and sour, barbecue, or new zesty ranch dipping sauce.

In Development: Shotglass Poodle, Eyedropper Poodle

Doggies in France don't lift their legs

These delightful pooches are at the base of the statue of Diana the Huntress (not related to Diana the Waitress) in the gardens of Fontainbleau, a swank former residence near Paris, now open to the public.

It clearly shows that either French dogs are very different from regular dogs, or that you shouldn't hunt your dogs till they're too tired to lift their legs. A clever variation on the tired old manneken-pis, who does, however, have a more extensive wardrobe. There's another that claims to be the original in Geraardsbergen.

Are there statues of other critters taking a leak? Where? For that matter, why?

Update: Since I have both an insatiable curiosity and way too much time on my hands, I did a search for "Peeing Statues". There are a couple high-tech models in Prague, but it appears that Brussels refuses to be outdone in this realm. Turns out doggies DO lift their legs in Belgium. Truth be told, I'm beginning to regret having opened up this can of worms.

Bastille Day Special