Heart of Dogness

Welcome Bo Obama

Sasha and Malia finally get their dog. Congrats to all involved. More to come after I wake up.

Brian's True Dog Story 1: Stealth Beagle

My old college buddy Brian sent me this here True Dog Story there also (sorry, too much Palin):

My beagle, Leo, loves to eat Halls Mentholyptus Cough Drops. The cherry ones especially; we share a craving for those and I keep a couple of bags on hand.  He will attack me to try to get cough drops if I have one in my pocket. Being a beagle, he can catch the scent from the other end of our house ( a whole six feet away!). 

One night when I had a legitimate sore throat and had put several Halls in my pajama pocket at bedtime, I went off to sleep forgetting that I hadn’t consumed them. The next morning I woke up to find the cough drops gone but the wrappers neatly piled up on the bottom sheet. Leo had burrowed under the covers, gotten into my pocket and helped himself, all without disturbing me one bit.  A true stealth beagle. George Bush could have used him in Iraq.

Kasha's Bark Mitzvah

My friend Rita sent me this link a while back. I emailed the creator, Bruce Lowy, and he graciously said I could link to it.

Congratulations, Kasha. Today you are a dog.

Barack Obama reads Heart of Dogness, maybe

We've mentioned the Great Obama Dog Search before on Heart of Dogness. In a fit of raging pomposity, we even called for the Obamas to go for a reascue dog. This is the Editorial We, incidentally. People tell me I'm something Royal, but it's not a We. Now the Chicago Tribune reports that the Obamas are considering a rescue puppy. Although that annoying Wayne Pacell guy from HSUS may think otherwise, this idea could only have come from Heart of Dogness. Dang, we got influence here. Update: This quote from Obama's press conference yesteday proves it! (I finally found the full quote in Dana Milbank's Washington Post column): "Malia is allergic, so it has to be hypoallergenic; there are a number of breeds that are hypoallergenic. On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog, but, obviously, a lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me. So whether we're going to be able to balance those two things, I think, is a pressing issue on the Obama household." I pointed out in my pompous bit, linked to above, that as Americans, we're all mutts. I think this pretty much clinches it. Barack Obama reads Heart of Dogness. Tell all your friends. Update 2: Jake and Tycho do a Public-Service Announcement for adopting shelter dogs. Gus and JoJo cried when they saw this.

A poodle for Obama

In a down-to-the-wire, heart-stopping photo finish, the American Kennel Club announced last week that the Poodle had eked out a narrow victory over the Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier in its evidently-unnamed poll of American voters. Here's video of the press conference.

Update: See what Misty the Alpha Poodle has to say about this.

The Obamas are currently dogless, but Barack has promised Malia and Sasha that after the campaign he'll get a dog. So AKC asked America to vote on which of five hypoallergenic breeds (the kids have allergies) the family should get: Poodle, Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier, Bichon Frise, Miniature Schnauzer, or the Don-King-lookalike Chinese Crested. Forty-two thousand voted, and they picked the poodle.

Herewith, a guide to poodles:

Standard Poodle	This is the original, developed in Germany to retrieve waterfowl and poorly hit golf balls. The funny-looking haircuts often inflicted on Poodles are said to be derived from a functional clip that was intended to leave insulating hair over the joints while the rest of the coat was shorn to reduce drag. This story fails, however, to account for either ribbons or rhinestone collars. Poodles are available in many colors, including black, blue, white, cream, red, apricot, silver and brown, and can be special-ordered in snazzy combinations of these colors. The deep candy-flake finishes popular in the 1960s are now considered a fault and will result in disqualification in the show ring. John Steinbeck wrote his wonderful Travels With Charley about a cross-country trip he took with a Standard Poodle whose name escapes me. Shockingly, the book appears to be out of print except in this Library of America collection.
Substandard Poodle	Sadly, there are poodles that just don't make the grade. You know the type: raggedy, shiftless shirkers out for a quick buck and lookin' for the next thing smokin'. They'll chase any tail, even their own. They'll hang back under the awning while the decent, hardworking types who came to this country looking for a better life are on the corner chivvying the straw bosses for a day's work. If you tell one of these dogs Jesus saves, he'll hit Him up for a loan. If I had a poodle, this would probably be it.
French Poodle	France also claims to be the place of origin for the poodle, which some may think is like claiming to be where herpes began. This poodle thinks it's both logical and romantic, blithely ignoring two basic principles: You can't be both; and if you think you're either, you're not. Sits in sidewalk cafes drinking charred coffee by day and wine by night, pretending to read incomprehensible philosophers while scoping for impressionable American dogs to hit on. Smokes French cigarettes made of used tires and occasionally sips noxious disinfectants like cassis and Campari.
Miniature Poodle	Just like a Standard Poodle, but smaller, flightier, and much more likely to faint. Not available with opera windows or whitewall tires. The Mini-Poo once set the standard for small, pointless dogs, but it has since been far surpassed. See below.
Toy Poodle	Developed for those intimidated by the gravitas of the Miniature Poodle, the Toy Poodle features a bark like Satan's dentist's drill and pointy little teeth that can find your ankle no matter how thickly and expensively shod. The barking of this dog has been known to set up a harmonic vibration that can shatter windows, masonry structures, and in at least one documented case, an entire planet.
Teacup Poodle	The Teacup Poodle is a further tinyfication of the Toy Poodle, intended for use by adults as a napkin or moist towelette, or by children as a handy way to dispose of unwanted vegetables. Also favored by those who, for whatever reason, feel a need to keep a dog secreted about their persons at all times. The Teacup Poodle is frequently accessorized with sweet and sour, barbecue, or new zesty ranch dipping sauce.

In Development: Shotglass Poodle, Eyedropper Poodle

"In Dog We Trust" in Time

My good friend Andrea called my attention to this article in TIME. "In Dog We Trust" is about Barack Obama's biggest post-election decision: what kind of dog to get.

Although I try not to let my politics intrude on this blog, I would like to weigh in on the side of mutts in this matter. As Americans, we're pretty much all mutts. No matter how far back you can trace your family in this country, it's a sure bet that there's more than one name Auntie Macassar quietly pruned from the family tree. And that you're swimming in a bigger gene pool than you know.

Hybrid vigor's what America's all about. Helping the least fortunate among us is what we do, at any rate when nobody's trying to scare us into cowering in our basements with the family silver. So come on, Barack, get a shelter dog, the more undefinable, the better.

Correction: In my story on Bruno a while back, I mistakenly identified him as an American Bulldog. I'm now informed that he's an Old English Bulldog. This, it turns out, is an example of what I'm talking about above: nothing about Bruno's dress, behavior or speech indicated that he was foreign-born, and I'm proud to say that I just took him for one of us. In a larger sense, we're all one of us. No word on whether Bruno's a Naturalized American Bulldog.

Bruno sits

A few weeks ago, our friend Betsy had one of those big, significant, oh-my-god-what-have-I-done-with-my-life birthdays that when you have it, nobody will let you just sit at home and get drunk. They've all got to witness and if possible add to your humiliation with a big party that you're going to if they have to hog-tie and carry you.

Betsy was actually quite a good sport about it. The party was at her friend Trinia's house, a real swank establishment with a pool and a top-notch cabana bar. There was food, beer, wine and plenty of carousing. Rumor has it that people were thrown into the pool, but I wouldn't know anything about that.

And there was Bruno, Trinia's American Bulldog. He spent the early part of the shindig moseying around meeting folks and doing that custodial work dogs are so good at, but later, as the guests dwindled, he took a seat and joined the party. Pretty much as illustrated above, although I may have imagined the cigar.

A Salute to American Dogs

The breeds listed below are North American in origin (some are Canadian; close enough). as far as I can tell, these are actual breeds, not Designer Mutts or breed wannabes. If you have any additions or corrections, please let me know.

Alaskan Husky
Alaskan Klee Kai
Alaskan Malamute
American Blue Gascon Hound
American Bulldog
American Cocker Spaniel
American Eskimo Dog (now considered a separate breed from the German Spitz)
American Foxhound
American Indian Dog
American Pit Bull Terrier
American Staffordshire Terrier
American Staghound
American Toy Terrier
American Tundra Shepherd Dog
American Water Spaniel
American White Shepherd (I'm a little uncertain this belongs here)
Australian Shepherd (Yup. Originated in the American West)
Black and Tan Coonhound
Bluetick Coonhound
Boston Terrier
Carolina Dog
Chesapeake Bay Retriever
King Shepherd (not sure about this one, either)
Louisiana Catahoula Leopard Dog
Mountain Cur
Mountain Feist
Native American Indian Dog
Newfoundland
Northern Inuit Dog
Nova Scotia Duck-Tolling Retriever
Redbone Coonhound
Treeing Tennessee Brindle
Treeing Walker Coonhound